Yeah, Cause Online Dating is Such a Picnic For Men Too | by Sean Kernan | Aug, 2021


Dating | Humor | Relationships

The dating experience from a male point of view isn’t what people think.

Editorial Rights purchased via iStock Photos

Was I on OkCupid or Criminal Meetup? I wasn’t sure if these dudes were trying to go on a date or drink from my skull.

As an experiment, I’d created a female dating profile. Within the first 24 hours, I had 95 messages. Most of them consisted of “hey girl”, “Hey WhatsUp”, “Damn you sexy”.

There was a shocking lack of self-awareness, particularly around boundaries, “Your legs look nice as hell.”

Heck of an opener right?

Their profiles were equally bad: pictures of cars, dead animals, them at the beach with a woman who was clearly an ex- or current something, her face blurred out.

Where the pictures weren’t a trainwreck, they were usually various shades of bad.

I have a pet theory that women are better at taking pictures and posing, mostly because society pressures them, from an early age, to look pretty and represent themselves in a certain way.

These men clearly didn’t know what they were doing. To be fair, when I made my first dating profile, I literally took five selfies in my living room. I didn’t know any better, or that selfies were bad.

Strangely, I found myself quietly judging these suitors, as if I was the woman.

My inner monologue defaulted to a whispy Marilyn Monroe voice, muttering, “I’m out of your league big boy.” Before I slapped myself back into reality.

I didn’t reply to anyone. It was just a recon mission. I’d read the study that women found 80% of men unattractive on OkCupid. That stat felt generous.

It’s become a trend to write about why so many great women are opting out of dating. In fact, if you are a man, writing such an article is near-guaranteed to generate traction.

Sure, I know a few very eligible women who are choosing singlehood. But it isn’t like they were the norm when I was on these dating apps.

Straight men deal with their own kind of circus.

In countless profiles, every picture was a group photo. I had to do a deductive math equation, trying to figure out who was the common denominator in each photo. It felt like a game of Where’s Waldo.

“Me and the girls at the beach!” Author via Firstpost

And then there was the woman who was eight months pregnant, using her pregnancy photoshoots for her dating profile pics. Her bio was written in all caps, “STOP MESSAGING ME ABOUT HOOKUPS.”

I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. It was apparent that men were trying to check some bucket list item, hoping to hook up with a pregnant woman. I’m not sure if 8-months pregnant is the right timestamp to start dating — but to each their own.

I was chatting with a woman who had giant sunglasses that covered half of her face. Looks aren’t everything, believe me. But I’d prefer dates weren’t like an arranged marriage, where I meet the person on “the day”.

Midway into our chat, I very gently suggested, “So…do you have any more pictures by chance?”

And she sent me two more pictures — still wearing the sunglasses.

I’m actually a big advocate of online dating. Even when things haven’t worked out, some of my richest memories have come from women I met via Tinder and Match.

I met a beautiful veterinarian, who had a house full of pets. We spent a summer together before she dumped me.

She became a lesbian after that, or shall we say, realized the full extent of her lesbianism (I have that effect on women). She recently married a woman. I’m happy for her.

I had this fear that online would create this meat market effect: Because meeting people was so easy, we’d all become expendable to each other, finding a new person when there is any minor snafu. And to some extent, that does happen. But not for true matches.

The hardest part of online dating was the time-suck. You are juggling a half-dozen conversations. Most of them fizzle. Ghosting is rampant. I go on a date or two, then she just finishes into thin air.

It was also very expensive. As a guy, you end up paying for most drinks and dinners. The good thing is that it forces you to be more selective.

An unfortunate number of men lower their standards for online dating. Their inbox spam smells of indiscriminate desperation (I should copyright that as a cologne).

Conversely, women raise their standards and are more selective for that exact reason. They weigh our intentions and consider their safety.

Women have to deal with muck. Men have to stand out amongst the muck.

So if you are a man with noble intentions, looking for a potential relationship, your margin for error is quite small.

For example, There’s this social pressure on a man, to be funny and witty, to keep the chat entertaining. I sometimes felt like I was tap dancing, like one of those tropical dancing birds that are trying to impress a mate.

via The Rainforest Site

Because a woman’s online dating is full of creepy monsters, one misplaced joke, and boom, your chat dies.

The people who hate online dating and swear it off haven’t worked on their process, their selectivity, improving their profile, and how to chat right.

Meanwhile, we all know that person who only dates serial killers for some reason. She only swipes right on Freddy Krueger and Hitler and wonders why dating is so hard.

On a lighter note, I met a girlfriend of two years on Match. Then, after a year break, I met my current partner of three years and counting on Tinder. I have no shame.

If you are frustrated with online dating, keep your chin up. Work on your profile and know that there will be hits and misses in the process. Finding a partner isn’t supposed to be this 5-minute endeavor. Be selective but reasonable. And at least have an idea of what you are looking for. Picking a partner shouldn’t be a dice-roll.

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