Can You Fall For My Flaws?. We all deserve someone who loves us for… | by Crystal Jackson | Jun, 2021


We all deserve someone who loves us for exactly who we are.

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

It’s easy to fall in love with people at their best. In fact, we often do since that’s what we get at the beginning of most relationships. Love illuminates us, and in the beginning, the light is flattering to our features. But light can also settle on our flaws. Finding faults gets easier, too, as time goes on.

When I fall in love with someone, as I have a few times in my life, I’ve found that every single flaw makes me love them more. I am touched by their vulnerability, by the very humanity that makes them who they are. But it seems that every flaw they’ve found in me has had the opposite effect. What happens next is like watching a car crash in slow motion: I love them more, and they love me less.

Throughout my life, I have assumed that their inability to love me means that I am unlovable. You might read that and think that I have low self-esteem, but I don’t. But I do have a history of trauma. Since I’ve been working through that trauma in therapy, I can now see that someone else’s inability to love me has nothing to do with whether or not I am inherently lovable.

Because I now realize that I am, in fact, a lovable person, I no longer want to know if someone is capable of falling in love with me. At my best and brightest, it’s easy to do. I want to know if they can fall for my flaws — if my vulnerability and humanity can be a thing that helps them love me more, not make it easier for them to leave me. I’m just now realizing that I am worthy of being loved like that. We all are.

Life, while beautiful, can be unimaginably difficult. For people like me who struggle with mental health issues, I’m well-aware that my bright and happy persona can take a dark and twisty turn. I want to be able to have a bad day without feeling like it makes me less desirable as a partner. I want to be able to be free to be exactly who I am in all my imperfection without fearing that it will be the reason someone else justifies changing their mind about me.

We all have our struggles, and the right person won’t be any less in love with us because of them. Life is going to send us hard times, and our relationships need to be strong enough to withstand them. Relationships require work, and love requires maintenance. We need partners who can love us through the hard times because those times are inevitable.

We should be able to be completely vulnerable with the ones we choose to partner. We shouldn’t have to stay “on” at all times to be worthy of love. While I will always advocate that we each take responsibility for addressing our individual issues, we should still be able to be imperfect and loved at the same time.

I’m self-aware enough to see my own faults and flaws clearly. While some are innate, a genetic inheritance, many are learned. I can spend my whole life working on them and still never be flawless. But I am trying. Every day, I do my best — even though I know my best can fluctuate daily.

One thing that I do well and always have is loving, but even within the realm of loving someone, I am not perfect. I have days where I don’t listen as well as I need to and days when the love I give is more of what I need than what they need. I know that I have faults there, too, but I keep trying. I am learning every single day that I do not have to be perfect to earn love. But sometimes it’s felt that way.

I’ve had a broken heart, but I’m healing. I’m giving love another chance to show up in my life. But this time, I deserve to be loved for all of me — for my bright days as well as the dark ones. I just want to know: Can you fall for it all? For me with all of my flaws?

Because if the answer is no, then it’s not really love, is it? It’s just infatuation — easily felt and easily forgotten. I deserve to be loved the way that I have loved even though I am not now and will never be perfect. True love will love all of us — and won’t shrink when the light that illuminates our beauty also shows our imperfections.

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