All the lies in the word ‘love’.. We’re being fed a load of bullshit… | by Alice | Thoughts And Ideas | Sep, 2021
Here are the lies of love:
It is everlasting
Love equals getting married and spending the rest of your lives together, right? We’ve been told that when we fall in love, we want to spend the rest of our lives with that person. (That is why commitment-phobes hate the word.) But love and commitment are different things.
You can love someone, and still recognise major flaws in them or the relationship. You may want to be near them, while also knowing they’re utterly wrong for you. And of course, people change over time — physically, but also their priorities, needs, interests, moods, even personality. Even the most romantic books don’t suggest that love is so ethereal that it’s detached from the personality traits of the person you’re falling for. The truth is: love can absolutely be short-term.
It is all-encompassing
Sometimes you might feel a fondness and affection for someone, and really enjoy their company, but not have a passionate, all-encompassing need to be with them all the time. We probably call this friendship — but I’d argue this a true form of love. It’s love without the lies telling us that it needs to take over our lives to be real. Love does not remove your ability to focus on work, see friends, do hobbies or want time alone. (Ahem, side note: Sexual drive might, but that can happen with or without love.)
You must sacrifice yourself for it
This is especially taught to women — that you must ‘give’ yourself to your partner. A healthy relationship requires compromise by both people. If someone is sacrificing themselves for the relationship, that’s unhealthy and certainly won’t bring long-term happiness. If you’re prepared to give up your life for someone (literally or philosophically), I’m sorry, but you’re doing it wrong.
You will find the ‘one’
Ladies and gentlemen, there is no ‘one’ for you. I could go into the statistical likelihood of finding your soulmate amongst the almost 8 billion people on Earth — but I’m going one step further. Even if you somehow dated all 8 billion people, no one will match you perfectly. Unfortunately, part of being human is that you do annoying things, you form habits, you pick up emotional baggage along the way. There’s nothing wrong with that — but how can you expect two imperfect beings to have a perfect relationship?
Two people living together are always going to conflict in some areas. If they like the same hobbies as you, they are too frivolous with money. If they have the same family values, they make annoying chewing noises. If they smell divine, they don’t get along with your mum. Choosing a partner is merely choosing a particular set of (hopefully manageable) conflicts. Not such a good movie script, huh?